In a little over a week, I will be boarding a plane from
Juneau to Paris with three small backpacks and two small children in tow. As we get closer to the trip, my nerves start
to get the better of me. On the best of
days, even with a normal schedule, I struggle as a single-parent. I use the term “single-parent” loosely as I
am fortunate to have an ex who is a very devoted father who I share custody
with. He has the girls half the week and
I have them the other half. On the half
that I have them, I consider myself a single-mom, just like on the half he has
them, I consider him a single-dad. It is
a challenge, and I thank my lucky stars that I am not a single-mom seven days a
week because I can honestly say, I don’t think I have the ability to do
it. I would manage, but I would most
likely spend a lot of time rocking back and forth, clutching my knees to my chest
on the floor of my bedroom crying.
So why am I embarking on a two-week vacation to Europe with
a five and seven year old? Good
question. I admit when I bought my
tickets this summer it was a moment of insanity. It’s been a long time since I have bought
tickets that require a passport, and I've never bought them for my kids. The moment on Orbitz.com when I actually
clicked purchase, I nearly threw up. I
was shaking with excitement, fear, and this overwhelming thought of “What the
heck have I just done?!” At that very
moment I realized I was probably crazy.
For starters, I’m not rolling in money; so truthfully, putting three
plane tickets on my credit card was weighing on me when I thought about all the
other ways I could spend the money.
Practical things like house repairs, car repairs, or the rainy day fund
(which I keep telling myself I need to establish). I have always felt guilty spending money on “fun”
things. It’s the way I was raised. Even at 37 (I can still say I’m 37 for one
more week), I still worry what my father will say. My parents were never frivolous
with their money and my dad didn't really start spending money on fun things
for himself until he entered his 60s. Family vacations were always spent ferrying to
and driving through Canada to visit family in Washington and attend Fish Expo
so dad could buy fishing gear. There
were no trips to Hawaii, and definitely not Europe. I haven’t told my dad I’m going to
Europe. I know my mom has told him, but
I haven’t mustered up the courage to tell him myself I’m spending my money on a
fun-trip instead of replacing the rotten wood on the side of my house.
The other fear I had was that aside from me thinking I was
crazy, others would think I was crazy too.
Don’t let crazy out of the bag- and with purchasing these tickets, I did
just that. I imagined people saying, “Why
waste your money taking kids on a trip they won’t remember?” The thing is, out of the several dozen people
I've told, only one person made that comment.
Instead, I've been blown away by the encouragement I've received and the
comments of, “Wow, that’s awesome!” Even
when telling my mom, I prefaced it by telling her my cancer taught me life is
too short and you never know when you won’t have opportunities and I don’t want
to have my life filled with regret. I
expected some hesitancy on her part, but even she said, “You’re so right. Life is short and you need to enjoy it while
you can.”
So, why am I taking my kids to Europe? I am not taking them so they will remember
going to the Louvre and seeing the Mona Lisa or to take pictures of them
standing in front of the Eiffel Tower so I can show it to them later and say, “See,
you were there.” I’m taking them there
so they can experience something different than what they know. There is an awkwardness that
accompanies traveling, especially for the first time. And it’s not that I want my kids to be
uncomfortable, but I want them to realize that things are not just what they
know them to be. They are going to hear
a language other than English. They are
going to experience smells that you can only smell in a city that is over
10,000 years old. They are going to see their mother confused while trying to
communicate. They will eat foods they've
never heard of and can’t pronounce.
My favorite professor and friend, Dr. William Husband, told
his Russian history students on the first day of class, “I don’t expect you to
leave this course remembering every date and name, but I do expect you to walk
away with a general understanding of the history and culture.” That sums up my reasons for taking my girls. They may not remember all the specifics, but
they will have a memory of the feeling they get while traveling to a new
place.
Traveling and experiencing different cultures has left an
impression on me far greater than any diploma I can frame and hang on my wall.
It has helped define me and leave me craving more with the understanding I have
so much more to experience and learn. If
I can share this experience with my girls, and plant the travel bug in them; all
the better.
